I said I wasn’t going to give any advice within these musings, but in this case I’m going to request a dispensation.
The two most important words in a successful patient/caregiver and Oncologist/HealthCare Professional (HCP) relationship are: any questions?
Your HCP should be willing to hear all questions. Bring another person, it helps to “hear” better with four ears. Write down your questions before, after and DURING the appointment. Ask questions later even if the moment has passed (your HCP should have given you a way to reach them after the fact).
Your HCP should be prepared to answer multiple times. Doctors need to be patient; they know this stuff and you’re hearing/learning it for the first time. Whether it’s news about cancer or anything else that serious, after you hear the first few words of the diagnosis a “buzzing” sound can begin in your brain as it starts to process what you just heard – even while the doctor continues talking/explaining. You may need to ask a question a few times until you can understand it on YOUR terms, or that you are prepared to hear what is being said. This is not “news” to them, but it’s probably (hopefully) the first time you are hearing it, so you need some slack and mental ramp-up time.
Your HCP should encourage you to be asking them your questions. You may be uninformed, untrained or uncomfortable asking, so Docs should encourage asking questions, if not pull them out of you – read your eyes as the windows to understanding (my windows look cloudy, I’m not getting this yet). I was fortunate enough to have an HCP partner who would end every appointment with a fixed gaze on my eyes and quietly ask me, ‘Do you have any other questions?” He wasn’t afraid of my inquiries nor was he afraid to have to answer them. That empowered me, that reassured me, and that contributed greatly to my quality of recovery and peace of mind.
