A loyal reader and loving supporter recently shared an insight with me. She said that they had a friend who was at the beginning of their cancer journey, and though she really wanted to share the blog with them, she felt they probably weren't ready yet for the positivity that permeates my posting prose. Being the being that I be, I couldn't let that thought go. Observation, not obsession.
The aforementioned supporter and I commiserated about how many of our individual past life experiences have brought us both to a point where we just don't have the time or energy to worry about things that we can't control - whose outcome more worrying will not affect/improve. I offered that there are others in my inner circle who are better at worrying than I am, so I leave that to the professionals, and instead I take up other pursuits - amateur writing being one of them. So what's the point Poindexter?
From the beginning I have explained/warned that this is a self-serving exercise designed as: an outlet for my thoughts, a release valve for my frustrations, and a catharsis for my cancer. I equally relish and rue the responsibility of the writing - often staring at the blank screen, while the cursor blinks at me with mocking motivation. I understand and accept that this is not for everyone. I don't say that with smug disregard or aloof dismissiveness, but rather as a caveat acknowledging that my outlook is just one of 6+billion. It's not righter or wronger that anyone else's, it's just what works for me.
I hope that my supporter's friend attains recovery. And I hope that maybe one day they WILL be in a place where my dribble can bring some meaning or solace or escape to their day. My perspective is selfish but my intention is selfless. I'm comfortable sharing what is rattling around inside my chemo-addled brain. If any of it sticks, then it turns my random verbalizing into relative value. I'll keep sharing and if it works for you or your afflicted loved one, then we're all the better for it.
I love the challenge of getting more than one use out of any seemingly singularly application, so knowing that anyone else is made even the tiniest bit better from what I have to say is extremely gratifying and brings purpose to my plight.
