I am blessed with an amazing support system of loved ones and liked ones who have been available and understanding for me throughout my journey - and up until this very day. In previous posts I have alluded to the concept that at times the patient - who one would perceive as being the person most in need of support, often becomes the one who assumes the role to support the rest of their family and friends; helping those in the outer circle cope with the changes and challenges of the disease. I have been and remain grateful to all for being there for me, and now it is my turn to be part of that care and concern cadre for a new cancer colleague.
But I wonder how effective I will be in that effort for them. Will I be able to offer enough of the kind of help they may need? Will I reach out too often for their comfort level? Will I not connect enough times during their moments of greatest struggle? Will I be able to muster the right words of encouragement or solace? Will their reaction to their new health reality be one of privacy and reservation; seeking to draw upon their own inner strength - their own personal powers? Or will they want to talk through their trials and tribulations - verbalizing their fears; not expecting me to have the answers, but just to be a reliable/available sounding board? I want so much to be able to help them as others so generously and graciously helped me.
But as I write these words (hearing them in my mind and seeing them blinking on the screen in front of me), I am reminded of what "worked" for me to help progress from the overwhelming fog of day 1 to the current state of management. At the times (each day, milestone or anniversary), I didn't really know what I required in that moment. But the periodic ping, the random reach-out, or the casual communication was often all that I needed. Nothing formal or fancy, planned or predictable - just a simple "how you doin?" to break up or brighten my day, and let me know that another human being was thinking about me and sending their thoughts and love. Someone taking the time out of their busy day (we all have busy days) to stop and let me know that I was in their "prayers."
And so that's what I'll do. Supporting a friend in any large or small way possible - listening, sharing, being. It won't be a call every night at 7:15pm or a get well card once a week. It will just be that spontaneous moment to let them know that they're on my mind and in my heart. It will have no medicinal value, but if it carries any of the potency as similar salutations which I have received over the years, then I know it will add to the true healing powers of a positive attitude. That may not be the right dose of intangible medicine for everyone (or even this dear friend), but I know that it's the best that I can offer, and I know that it helps.
